Problem 1: Communication
Many relationship problems are solely rooted in a lack of communication or communication break-downs. These can be as simple as not really listening to what the other person is saying because we often get caught up in our own fixed perspectives. Elaine Fantle Shimberg, author of Blending Families says, “You can’t communicate while you’re checking your BlackBerry, watching TV, or flipping through the sports section,” and that’s true.
- Be a good listener.
- Also, you should make an actual appointment with each other. If you live together, put the cell phones on vibrate, put the kids to bed if any, and let voicemail take over that period of incoming calls.
- If you can’t “communicate” peacefully -without raising your voices- , go to a public spot where you’d be embarrassed if anyone sees you talking on top of your voice.
- Eliminate fishing out faults. Talk in a more diplomatic way or ban phrases such as “You always …” or “You never ….”
- Set up some rules. Try not to interrupt until your partner is through speaking.
- Use body language to show you’re listening. Don’t doodle, pick your phone, or look at your watch. Nod so the other person knows you’re getting the message, and rephrase if you need to. For instance, say, “If i head you correctly, you want us to demolish the evacuation plan, even though we’ve agreed on going.” If you’re right, your partner will confirm.
Problem 2: Trust
Trust is an essential ingredient when it comes to every relationship. When there are certain things that cause you not to trust your partner or when you have unresolved issues that prevent you from trusting others, try these tips to rebuild your trust again stronger than before.
- Be consistent.
- Be pontual.
- Keep to words when given out.
- Don’t lie — not even little white lies to your partner or to others.
- Be fair always, even in an argument.
- Be sensitive to the other’s feelings. You can still disagree,but make sure you tap into their soul to share their feelings.
- Call when you say you will, at the scheduled time.
- Call if you can’t make it home early.
- Carry your fair share of the house chores.
- Don’t overreact when things go wrong. Instead, look from their point of view and assure them trust and respect of their point before you put your choice across or insist on changing it.
- Never say things you can’t take back.
- Let sleeping dogs be. Don’t dig up old wounds.
- Respect your partner’s boundaries.
- Don’t be jealous.
- Be a good listener.
Problem 3: Conflict
Conflict is something we can not do away with occasionally. It much like fear which when mastered strengthens us. Occasional conflict is a part of life. But should in case you and your partner feel like its becoming a routine, you should stop it at once.
- You can’t control anyone else’s behavior. The only one in your change is you. Be the change you wish to see in your partner.
- When approached strategically, the anger can be lessen and a calm look at the current situation can prevail for you to solve the issue peacefully.
- You and your partner should learn to argue in a more civil, helpful manner.
- Realize you are not a victim, neither is your partner. It is your choice whether you react or respond. It all depends on you.
- Be honest with yourself. When you’re in the midst of an argument, adapt a strategy to bring your partner to an equal ground and don’t go on looking for payback. Don’t make your comments hurtful.
- Stir it up to develop a change. If you usually jump right in to defend yourself before your partner is finished speaking, hold off for a few moments.Cultivate a little patient in your approach. Just a little shift can make a big change in the usual tempo of the way your arguments end up.
- Apologize when you’re wrong. A hard decision to take but that ‘little’ apology can save your relation in a massive way. Try it and watch the wonders it does.
Problem 4: Money
Money problems can start after or before the wedding vows are exchanged. They can arise, for instance, from the expenses of courtship or from the high cost of a wedding. Couples who have money problems should take a deep breath and have a serious conversation about finances. In other case, money can not buy love, but fighting about it will also bankrupt your relationship.
- Be honest about your current financial situation. Talk it over with your partner. There’s always a way to resolve this when you two think together.
- Be good with your timing. Never approach the subject in the heat of battle. Instead, set aside a convenient time that is non-threatening for both of you.
- Understand each other for your difference. Acknowledge the fact that one of you may be a saver and the other a spender. Understand there are benefits to both side scenarios, and agreeing to learn from each other’s tendencies will save you a relationship.
- Don’t hide income or debt. Bring all financial documents to the table, being it pay checks, bank statements, insurance policies, debts, and investments.
- Don’t blame your partner for a dept or a loose in anyway.
- Construct a joint budget that includes savings, investments and emergency funds.
- Decide which person will be responsible for paying the monthly bills. If possible you can balance this by setting a time range for who should be attending to the bills at that given time range.
- When it comes to spending, allow each person to have independence by setting aside money to be spent at his or her discretion.
- Decide upon both short-term and long-term goals. It’s OK to have individual goals, but you should have family goals as well.
- Talk about how to carter for your parents as they age and how to appropriately plan for their financial needs if needed.
Problem 5: Priority
“There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who couldn’t jump puddles for you.” This quote goes a long way to the extent that, when your partner feels less cared for or less important will ask for a divorce at any least chance they get.Remind each other making your relationship a focal point should not end when you finish saying “I do.”
- If you let your partner know he/she is your priority and reminds him/her from time to time how much you care, you will be amazed at how many problems disappear from your relationship.
- Make the other your priority by having time with them. “You always have time for the things you put first.”
- Continue doing the things you used to do when you were first dating: Compliment each other ,show appreciation, contact each other through the day, and show genuine interest in each other. Rekindle your love.
- Plan date night, go for picnics. Schedule time together on the calendar or plan a dinner for two.
- Respect one another. Say “thank you,” and “I appreciate…” It lets your partner know that they matter are cared for.
Problem 6: Sex
As said by Mary Jo Fay, author of Please Dear, Not Tonight, a lack of sexual self-awareness and education worsens these problems. But having sex is one of the last things you should give up. “Sex,” she says, “brings us closer together, releases hormones that help our bodies both physically and mentally, and keeps the chemistry of a healthy couple healthy.” Sex should be a huge priority in a relation but without moderation, it can also cause you your relationship.
- Make a plan. “When sex is on the calendar, it increases your anticipation,” Fay says. Changing things up a bit can make sex more fun, too, she says. Why not have sex in the kitchen? Or by the fire? Or standing up in the hallway? Fay suggests making an appointment, but not necessarily at night when everyone is tired. Maybe during the Saturday afternoon or a “before-work quickie.” Ask friends or family to take the kids a night before the weekends for a sleepover.
- Make a schedule. Decide on your calendar the number of time to have sex through out the week.
- Learn what truly turns you and your partner on by each of you coming up with a personal “Sexy List,” of some sort as suggested by California psychotherapist Allison Cohen. Exchange the lists and use them to create more scenarios that turn you both on.
- If your sexual relationship problems can’t be resolved on your own, consult a qualified sex therapist to help you both address and resolve your issues.
Problem 7: Struggles Over Home Chores
As usual most partners work outside the home and often at more than one job with the tendencies of coming home late. When all the chores is based upon one person, the possibilities to a quick break up is high.
- It is fairly important to divide the labor at home according to a specific time schedule in other not to interrupt work.
- Be clear and organized about your respective jobs in the home. Write all the jobs down and agree -make sure there’s fairness to avoid resentments- on who does a specific task.
- Be open to other solutions If you both can not perform the task due to your various jobs. Maybe you can hire a cleaning service if applicable in the situation. If one of you likes housework, the other partner can do the laundry and the yard. You can be creative and take preferences into account as long as it sounds and feels fair to both of you.
Even though problems are bound to set in relationships, but these problems can be resolved if you both can do things to minimize the marriage problems. If possible, work together to avoid any problem.
In other words, be realistic and approach matters directly. Nurture your sense of humor to be able to let things go and enjoy one another more.
Furthermore, address problems with immediate attention when the need arises. Don’t wait for anyone to help shape your relationship, it all depends on. Take responsibility now and save your relationship to reach the success level and even over to victory level. Be willing to approach conflict in a diplomatic way. Take the lead to a successful relationship!
After Mastering all these, it is worthy of note to also know how best to propose.